So I've decided to change up a few things. Mainly because I won't get better if I hold to the comfort of "I'm a messed up kid, pity me! I failed because (insert excuse because pitied kids can blame anything and get away with it. I aught to know.")
So I'm making this a bit simpler. The title will remind me of the over-all year goal to take each day and make it a little bit better than the last. This blog will become more of a journal. I will record my goals and accomplishments, hopes and fears, thoughts and inspirations as they hit me.
Life is a wonderful collage of good and bad things and to merely focus on one or the other is to assume a state of blindness. Life is integrated and colorful and so much deeper than any single facet can really show.
So, for better or worse, here we go.
On Sunday I reacquainted myself with some gentlemen I knew and met a new one I didn't. It was a good experience and sorry, there isn't much more to say than that. I'm always nervous when I meet new people because I know that unless we talk for at least ten minutes and then meet up again later that week I'll forget that we've even met. I feel insulting when someone comes up to me, who obviously recognizes me, but I haven't the slightest clue that we've even met before. If I haven't seen you for years and we used to be acquaintances, sorry, no idea who you are. It's not that you aren't an important person. It's just that you weren't very important to me for some reason and didn't get saved into my long term memory banks. I might recognize your face, or your name, but not together. It's one of my weaknesses. And it's really sad when it happens to my own relatives.
I've been having trouble staying up all hours and waking up in the middle of the day. I know that's supposed to be normal for people my age when they're on break, but not for me. I used to rarely sleep in much past 8. I always feel more energetic if I can get up around 7. Yet the allure of warm sheets and dark windows makes it really difficult to sacrifice simple comfort for more energy. Yesterday I had a cold and ended up sleeping until 12. Today I had to pray myself out of bed to avoid a repeat performance. And yes, I did mean pray. Sometimes simple little hard things need divine intervention. Another of my weaknesses is that I sometimes forget that asking for help is an option. In this case, practice is good.
In other news, I ran at a 5.0 speed for ten minutes straight without so much as breaking a sweat. And I impressed people at the gym with my weight lifting skills. The gym can be one of two things. A wonderful haven where like-minded people gather for the purpose of good health. Or a miserable hell where you're always straightening your shirt/shorts, tying your shoelaces and checking the mirror to see if anyone's watching.
I'm not a huge girl. But I'm fluffy. I carry most of my weight in my belly and back, but I have sweet legs (thanks mom) and stocky upper arms (which are starting to show their muscle tone, but still have a way to go by appearance. Not too much by feel though. *Flex* Feel the awesome power! Go ahead, touch it! I dare you!)
Anyway, the point is I don't look like the fitness buff that I'm becoming. At school you have to wear a uniform to use the gym so I just don't worry about it. It wasn't until Monday that I realized that I have absolutely nothing to wear (a.k.a. something sporty and classy) to the gym. So I walked into that gym in a shirt that was tighter than I would have liked because it tucked around my belly and shorts that had paint splattered all over it.
Was I self-conscious. Well if you add wardrobe to the fact I hadn't visited a gym for about four weeks then yes I was nervous. But I have holiday weight, and I knew how to use the place so I did. You know, all that self-conscious aura is just completely swept away in the power and awe of a body that obviously knows how to use a gym. It didn't matter that I'm a little fluffy and paint splattered. I could clean like an Olympian! Did that feel good? Oh yes.
Keeping the house clean and trying to find things to occupy my life with is becoming a routine. So far, I've worked on a novel, deep cleaned (white gloved) three rooms, made some headbands and a pillow case, and watched more tv than I care to admit. Oh, and made a new blog.
Let the adventures begin.
PS: I'm totally keeping the 5 good things about myself section though. Cause let's be honest, not many people take time to think of the redeeming qualities that they have.
PPS: I'll probably limit this blog to just once a week updates because once school starts again, Sunday updates is all I can guarantee.
5 Things I like about being me
I'm creative
I love and give loyalty easily
I always try to see the best side of a person/situation to the point where some may call it a fault
I'm patient with people who have issues (which is like the whole world, but it's different when you actually know what the issues are)
I know good quality music or a solid argument when I hear it.
Ok, fine, maybe I will keep the sections, but I might make them more interesting in the future and allow myself more elbow room than just short paragraphs.
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